Filling Up My Empty Cup

I built a “blanket fort” on the 2nd floor balcony of our childhood home in Jamestown, ND. These forts began to take form the summer after our move from Williston, ND. At the age of 10, I turned that mini-retreat place (away from my 4 brothers) into my candy eating haven – mostly chocolate bars, Dots, Sweet tarts and the like. I imagine my self-huddling in this haven and feeling the sweet numbness of the treats. We lived just across the street from a Red Owl grocery store, so the source was close by. I still wonder where I got the money. My child self-felt the need to fill up those empty spots that grew bigger after our move. I’m watching her now with a new feeling of compassion.
Hypno-therapy is a well-established tool to help uncover and treat problems of many sorts. It’s used in many disciplines such as dentistry, psychology, medicine and spirituality. It works by creating windows into our sub-conscious mind, to learn more about the sources of our problems and find ways to re-write the old scripts with more desired and updated ideas. I was trained in hypnosis during my graduate school years and was motivated to find my own style of opening those windows in the most relaxing way possible. Interestingly, I never experienced hypnosis formally myself beyond the training practices. Recently, I was referred by another professional to try it to help further treat some of the stomach issues that had surfaced. Being a psychotherapist myself, I knew the basic steps and was curious how this person was show up in her style.
She was prepared by information she received prior to the appt. She had it diagramed on a whiteboard what topics seemed to surface given my interests/experiences in life as well as some common themes in life that might relate. Hmmm. This was a 3- hour appt and I wondered what kind of a trance state I would find. What is a trance state? Trance states vary from person to person. In fact, we all experience altered trance like states each day. It’s the idea of time perception – that feeling that you get when you watch a great movie and how fast it seemed to go or at the other end of the spectrum, a bad movie and watching the clock counting down for its end. When we get into trance states, our sense of time may be altered. When we sleep, get involved in some interest or book or any number of things that can capture our attention that can be another example of altered states. The intensity varies as well – from light, medium to deep levels of relaxation. All trance states can be windows to the subconscious and the wisdom of this level of our mind. 
The reason I made the appointment was to address some belly issues that had become a problem and was suggested to try this by a chiropractor. I’ve been open to try many healing techniques over the years to find relief for one thing or another and experience new strategies that may help others that I work with. The induction or relaxation time was like what I’d known, and I tried my best to “Relax” and let my mind sink down into that zone of calm but what I experienced was something different. My muscles gripped for dear life in a spot on my upper back making finding that quiet zone almost impossible. I waited for relief, but it didn’t come. The therapist started in that area and we connected with a memory from my teenage years. We stayed there for quite awhile despite my frustrations and wanting to get up and move around. What I found remarkable was the importance of staying with this pain and seeing it through so to speak. I learned that it was connected to the gripping tension/fear I felt while in a car with let’s just say unsafe drivers. I also began to realize the reasons for how I ended up in that spot and the emotions that led me there. The young girl in her blanket fort felt some of the emptiness – feeling alone, unaccepted and sad. This was the opening to self-compassion and the therapist was good at weaving a new way to understand that part of my history. I can feel this new acceptance beginning to grow each time I have a trigger. The interesting thing about doing this kind of treatment is the outcome. How it is translated to life is unique to each person. For me, I think it has helped although I won’t be able to analyze this until some time passes…. that the important thing now is to just live in the best manner possible. Self-compassion is another concept that is growing in importance in life today.  My colleague and I  recently presented  the Living from the Power of Your Heart workshop and can more clearly see the importance in identifying and living your own truth with self- love and acceptance.
Most of us grew up without these concepts and tools readily available – our parents were too busy surviving. I feel blessed to be able to cultivate what my gifts and talents are and navigate with more support. I now have gratitude towards my parents and the families that they grew up in. This way of thinking holds more energy than the “if only they would have…. or why did or didn’t they….? The resulting emotions of this line of thinking is negative. Now, new learnings are on the radar and within our reach – to awaken and choose which path we will take to thrive in this life despite our external circumstances. How do we get started? Just say to your self I want to start living a better life. It reminds me of the first steps of the 12-step recovery program. I admit my life is undesirable (in some way) and I’m willing to reach out for support. Spiritually connecting to God as you see God is the next act of faith.
Question to God…why did I have to feel empty? Why is life so hard sometimes?
Answer from God…. To be who you are now. Humans are good at suffering. You don’t have to.
I plan to go back to experience another hypno-therapy session to see where my body will take me and what my subconscious mind will allow up so to speak. When you are working with the subconscious, the best thing to do is sit back and observe. The more we learn to tune into our inner worlds the more in control we will feel. I don’t have the answers to the belly puzzle or the exact nature of my symptoms, but I feel the benefit in the decreased reactivity of my body. Re-wiring our minds after any type of trauma can be tricky but if you set the intention and go after it you will find your own path to wellness and joy.

Compassion is the essential oil that will help lift our frequencies as we evolve and change. It is a blend of Patchouli, Marjoram, sweet, Grapefruit, Ylang Ylang, Clary Sage, Sandalwood and Lavender fine.    http://www.goDesana.com/newpath

Ode to the blanket fort

I built you for me, for privacy.

I played and felt the wind wisp around my walls of protection.

Safe inside this soft cocoon I yearned for satiety,

Finding temporary comfort until a new time.

Filling my cup has been a lifetime journey that I can only now begin to put a perspective on.  Where are you in your journey?  Now is always a good place to begin.

Practice Announcement:

As of April 30th I will no longer be seeing clients in my current office location.  We are planning to move to AZ  later this Spring and will be preparing for that.  I will continue to stay in practice as I will be licensed in AZ, working via computer and phone to provide the same services.  Most insurance companies are in line with this delivery of therapy so keep this in mind for any future connections.  I am putting in practice many of the life skills I have learned/experienced over the years.  What a stress potential!  Yet, with all the uncertainities my intention is to manage with positive base and keep the fears in check.  I’ve got my tool chest close by.   I’ll be updating my blogs/website as we go along. 

 

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